What happens when parents fight so hard to win that they lose sight of what their children actually need?
In this episode, Susan Chesnutt sits down with Olivia St. Clair Long to unpack high-conflict custody, coercive control, and how the family law system can unintentionally shift focus away from children’s well-being.
You’ll hear how these dynamics play out in real cases, why many parents lose sight of what truly matters, and what healthier co-parenting can look like. This conversation challenges how “best interest” is defined and pushes you to rethink what it really means to show up for your child during conflict.
In this episode, Susan and Olivia St. Clair Long discuss:
- High-conflict litigation and its impact on children and families
- Understanding coercive control in custody and parenting dynamics
- Limitations within family court systems when addressing emotional conflict
- Parenting structures like guardians ad litem and coordinators in decision-making
- Redefining what it means to act in a child’s best interest
Key Takeaways:
- [0:06:41] Knowing Your Child Requires Active Involvement – If a parent cannot answer basic questions about their child’s daily life—like doctors, routines, or relationships—it reveals a disconnect that undermines true involvement and weakens claims of shared parenting responsibility.
- [0:15:01] Coercive Control Is Often Misunderstood in Court – Even well-established concepts like coercive control are still poorly recognized in legal settings, making it difficult for victims to effectively communicate and prove their experiences.
- [0:20:26] Litigation Often Means the Focus Has Shifted Away from the Child – By the time parents reach trial-level conflict, one or both have typically lost sight of what benefits the child, unless the situation involves genuine safety concerns like abuse or violence.
- [0:44:05] Unresolved Conflict Teaches Children the Wrong Lessons – When parents fail to provide stability and consistency, children are forced to adapt on their own, often becoming overly independent in unhealthy ways due to a lack of reliable adult guidance.
- [0:48:29] Healthy Co-Parenting Requires Reducing Conflict, Not Winning Arguments – Acting in a child’s best interest means prioritizing productive and cooperative conflict resolution with a co-parent instead of focusing on control or “winning” disputes.
“By the time the parents are litigating… one or both has completely lost sight of what would be good for their kids.”
– Olivia St. Clair Long
About Olivia St. Clair Long: Olivia St. Clair Long is the founder and principal attorney of O. Long Law, LLC, where she helps families navigate divorce, custody, and complex family law matters with clarity and confidence. A University of Chicago Law School graduate and former Big Law litigator, she is known for her direct approach, strategic advocacy, and commitment to empowering clients with the information they need to make strong decisions. Olivia also mentors attorneys and supports law firm owners through her Litigator Launchpad program.
Connect with Olivia St. Clair Long:
Website: https://olonglaw.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/oliviastclairlong/
Connect with Susan:
Website: www.thechesnuttlawfirm.com
Podcase: www.thechesnuttlawfirm.com/podcasts
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/susan-chesnutt-27077bb9/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thechesnuttlawfirm/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuBwfp_IVpeX-YHKpxZ5L0g
AVVO: https://www.avvo.com/attorneys/32960-fl-susan-chesnutt-3330241.html